the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
