I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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