You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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