Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
