He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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