the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
