If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
this boner is exhausting
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
