singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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