How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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