so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
