I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
This is my life. Enjoy the view
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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