it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
