her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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