A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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