you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
