I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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