Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
