Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
