She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
