"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
