so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
We're using joints as your birthday candles
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
