She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Randomize
