I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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