I think I can smell my own vagina right now
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
