i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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