Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
