If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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