i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
