There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
