Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
