please come you make the beer taste better
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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