Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
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the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
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I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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