I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Blood and glitter go together right?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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