i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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