First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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