it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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