ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
