is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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