The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
