12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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