so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
