drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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