dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
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You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
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Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today