i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend