he shaved USA in his pubs
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located