I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
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You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.