Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
25 Porn Addicts Admit Their Biggest Pet Peeves
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack