was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
My vagina just clenched in fear
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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