you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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