My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
