He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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