I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
