Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
