you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
