So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
