is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
