1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
She's JV to your varsity
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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