I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
