Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
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You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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