So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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