Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
In other news, I just burned my penis
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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