These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
