he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
