Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
