i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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