I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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