My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
