I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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