she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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