is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
