i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
