Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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