uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I have aggressive nipples.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
