I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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