I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
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